The Older I Get


Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look like this. I have traveled a long way. And some of the roads were not paved.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.


A prayer for the aging: "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference."

Courtesy of Patt Marr