New Medicines Now Available


St . Mom's Wort

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.


Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.


Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence and improves flirting.


When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.


When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.


Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person .......can we get naked now?"


Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.


Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.


When administered to a husband provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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Always consult your family physician before taking new medication.