60 degrees: Texans put their sweaters on.
50 degrees: Miami residents turn on the heat.
45 degrees: Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
40 degrees: You can see your breath. Texans shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.
35 degrees: Italian cars don't start.
32 degrees: Water freezes.
30 degrees: You plan your vacation in Australia.
25 degrees: Ohio water freezes. Texans weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.
20 degrees: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
15 degrees: French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
10 degrees: You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 degrees: American cars don't start.
0 degrees: Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 degrees: German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
-15 degrees: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 degrees: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 degrees: Too cold to think you need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 degrees: You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 degrees: Texans disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweater. Your car helps you plan your trip south.
-50 degrees: Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 degrees: Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 degrees: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-100 degrees: Hell freezes over. Clinton finally tells all.