To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday."
* Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
* There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
* Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
* We will have steel helmets for those who claim, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
* Blankets will be furnished for those who find the church too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
* Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
* Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
* We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those who feel that church is always asking for money.
* One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
* Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
* The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
* We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the liturgy and cotton for those who say it is too loud.